Shannon, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. I haven’t had depression (other than mild depression after my mum died). It is not what I do, it’s just who I am. I can, however, hear your pain loud and clear. Sometimes we isolate ourselves and can’t know how others feel about us.
Please know you have so many people who can relate to what you are saying and by you speaking out about this, it is lifting the lid on a lot of feelings for a lot of people. Knowing you are not alone doesn’t change this but it does put you in good company! You will come through this when you are ready. There are lots of us rooting for you.