When I first read this, I started out feeling like ‘come on, just get on with it’. Halfway thru I felt like ‘is there no moving on?’. At the end of the article, I felt tired and so sad.
I am one of the lucky ones that rarely feel depressed. It’s not what I do, it’s who I am. When my mother died at 92 I had very mild depression and felt sad. I ignored it for 6 -7 months thinking this would go away. It did not. I was very fortunate to work in a place where I had access to mental health services that were available and anonymous. I went and was told that I had situational depression which was quite reasonable, considering my mother had died, but if I didn’t deal with this now I probably would be on medication later. I took her advice, took time off work, was good to myself and within a month I could feel myself coming back.
I know that you have said this is something you have lived with for a very long time and did not receive the help you needed at home. I cannot fathom living the way I felt for 6 months for most of my life. Your article allows us to comprehend the way you feel, the hopelessness and fatigue, that is a constant in your life.
You must continue to write when you are able. We need to hear your voice. Your writing has a way of sounding not just real but urgent and we thank you for this.